Friday, July 30, 2010

Nobody...NOBODY else is writing this stuff!!!!

Once again, it's up to yours truly to pen what others are thinking. No, not inappropriate thought...heaven knows there's enough of that going around, especially in the halls of Congress. But I'm talking about the November elections. Both sides are lobbing the same "grenades" and making the same assertions. However, BOTH are wrong!

The Democraps are at their fundraising best right now, and are "out earning" the competition (the Republicreeps) by significant amounts. The Dems have raked in big amounts this year, thanks to the fundraiser-in-chief. In fact, they have already spent nearly as much as the entire amount taken in by the Reeps...and the Dems still have a sizable bank even as we get closer to November. Does that mean the Reeps won't reap gains this mid term?

It certainly seems that way. But wait a minute...aren't all the pundits predicting huge gains for the GOP, many even predicting they will retake the House? Yes, the folks are predicting huge gains in both houses...but they are wrong! How can I be so sure? Well, Americans...particularly present day Americans love free stuff...and I don't think we're tired (just yet) of "getting" our fair share of the stimulus.

"What?!?! I'm not that way...and I don't know anyone else who is!!" Oh, hi Jack...well, I guess you'd better extend your circle of "friends," because the majority of Americans still approve of our president...despite all the "impartial" Fox News polls which say otherwise. Plus, those "polls" are easily negated by the non-partisan mainstream media which remains in lock-step fashion with the current administration. In a Detroit speech just the other day, the president reminded folks that he saved over a million jobs with the auto industry bailout...and not a peep...although I think I heard Henry Ford chuckle from the grave.

So, free stuff...and media's a four letter, not Bush (although every time a Dem starts to lose a debate, they immediately reach for "W")...actually, the word is "race." Race still matters...and Americans still don't want to be labeled as "racist." The Reeps still (erroneously) think that we've "transcended" race. Uh, no...we haven' evidenced by media focus on such issues...whether it be Arizona...or Charles Rangel...or Maxine Waters...divide and conquer.

But, here's the main theme...AND what nobody else is saying. Yes, this is "an historic" election, more so than even 1994. We have a clear choice, this time, regarding just where we want this country to go. Do we want to continue to move away from free market, albeit a warped free market economy and continue this slide to a European-lite socialism? Do we want to make a statement one way or the other? But, we're so bi-polar, I doubt any such statement will surface.

Should it? I don't think so. This is NOT 1994. The year is 2010. The chasms are much wider. Are you sure this "new" slide into "warped socialism," won't work? I am...but MANY are not. If the administration is derailed at this early stage (as the Republicreeps are hoping), we will simply be giving them fresh talking points for the next two years. Vote Democrap this's our only hope.

Friday, July 23, 2010

This is Joe Baker for Farmer's Ford...

As previously reported, I at one time fancied myself a political satirist, humorist, wanna-be stand up far back as I can remember. When I stopped performing, I continued to write and produce comedy. Perhaps someday, I might return to the stage...but for now, I'm still trying to get my writer's hat back on...and it's not like I was never well versed in the art. On the contrary, my editorial "Dinner with the Average American Family," remains a cult classic. Even my send up on stand up, "Right on Ronnie Reagonowitz," received acclaim. But, one gem from the past remains one of my favorites. I wrote it back in the 70's, and no, it never saw the light of day on live radio (although I did produce it for campus radio play)...I'm talking about, of course, Farmer's Ford in Albatross.

I wrote this slab of satire as a tribute, well, sort of a back-handed tribute, to my college town's local Ford dealership. They had been receiving a lot of local bad press because of their lack of customer satisfaction...and it certainly didn't help matters when the "Edsel of the Decade," the Ford Pinto, began exploding indiscriminately. No, it definitely wasn't a good time to be a Ford dealer. And yes, it also made the piece much easier to write and compose because I, yes me, MediaCopp, was one of the idiots who actually bought a Ford Pinto during the 70's.

No, the car never exploded...although many times I wish it had...I remember it was a funny looking little car, and I also remember it had a proclivity for blowing head gaskets. So I went in, and complained, and wrote letters, and telephoned...then I even contacted Detroit, calling and sending numerous letters of complaint, all to no avail. Hence the birth of Joe Baker. Joe was the radio spokesperson/altar ego who represented Farmer's Ford, formerly Canary Ford. If I recall, the local Ford dealer was Eagle Ford, owned and operated by some guy named (John) Eagle. He, I suppose, got tired of the bad press and decided to do something about it. No, he didn't offer rebates, refunds, or special promotions. He hired/took on a professional golfer as a new business partner and changed the name of his dealership from "Eagle Ford" to "Fairway Ford." That's it!

So I wrote and produced this gem...and yes, there is a phantom copy (or two) of it out there somewhere, so hopefully, I might find a copy of it someday. With that said, here's the script:

"This is Joe Baker, for Farmer's Ford in Albatross...and are we dealing!! We
must get rid of all our old stock to make room for the new 1977 and a half
models. Farmer's Ford, formerly Canary Ford, has NOT ONLY changed our
name and kept our old staff to generate new business, but also to print new
stationary. Just take a look at these deals...

A 1974 Pinto Runabout in top shape...has all the extras such as seats,
dashboard, and bumpers...for only $4499.00...and look at this one...

A 1976 Granada with a vinyl top...WOW...only $8499.00...

Folks, come on into the new Farmer's Ford, the country dealer...don't let
all the law suits against the old Canary Ford chase you away...come on in
and let Mr. Canary prove that we are ALL subject to prior sale."

Like I said, the commercial was never aired...oh well, just as well. I don't think the world was quite ready for MediaCopp in those days. But now? Well, how about a campaign commercial for the ALL NEW Republicrat party...I mean, is it a tax...or a mandate? Is a "stimulus" only a "stimulus" if the money comes from us, via taxes or tax cuts? Come on in and let Mr. Obama prove that it's "either," or "neither,"...taxpayers subject to additional assessments...

Friday, July 16, 2010


Got my water bill today...yep, they finally turned on those dreaded water meters. You know, gotta keep them damn suburbanites from wasting our most precious resource, right? What? There's plenty of water? Not if you live in So Cal...c'mon, share and share alike, you know? No problem...

Besides, they're only complying with Assembly Bill 2572. The bill, passed by the California state legislature and signed by the governor back in 2004, requires "urban water suppliers" to install, on or after January 1, 2005, or within 10 years after becoming an "urban water supplier," to install and then by January 1, 2010, begin to charge each customer that has a service connection, based on (the) actual volume of deliveries, as measured by a water meter. What? Oh yes, of course, with "certain exceptions," exceptions to what, I'm not sure...

Suffice it to say, your (our) rates are going up. But then, we knew that. However, rest assured the "urban water supplier" offers various free services to help each customer identify water saving opportunities for homes and businesses. Why, we are even able to receive free water efficiency packs with water-saving showerheads, faucet aerators and garden spray nozzles; that is, if we're not already showering at work, brushing our teeth in leftover rainwater, and/or simply allowing our lawns to properly "brown."

"Boo hoo...stop crying!! My God, you're lucky to have a home...many folks don't, you know?" Eek, where are my manners? Why of course, Jack, you're right. It's a roll of the dice that I'm not living in a "VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER." Please, get a friggin' clue. Yes, it can ALWAYS be worse...HOWEVER, is this not a FREE COUNTRY? When you go from paying 20 or 30 dollars a month a few short years ago to, with one swipe of the governor's pen...about 60 or 70 bucks a month...well, imagine if EVERY BILL you receive generates that sort of rate increase?

"Well, THEY DON' shut the frick up!!" You're right...besides, if anyone has trouble paying their bill, there is always assistance from, trumpet sound, the government via the LIHEAP (Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program) or the H20 Help to Others, Low-Income Assistance Program. Don't qualify? Too rich? Incorporate, hire an accountant and get out of your rate increase that way. Neither rich OR poor? Well, I guess you'll just have to run a hose from one of the many foreclosed homes in your neighborhood...

Friday, July 9, 2010

Aw light...wuh baaaack!!!

Yes, just as Hans and Franz of Saturday Night Live fame might say..."wuh baaaack." Or Jimmy Fallon (also from SNL), while doing his "deejay" impersonation, "wer baaaaaaaack." Or even, as our illustrious governor might say, "vait huer...all bee baaack." Now, I'm not a "girlie man," I just need to admit that I've come crawling "baaack" to California after 10 great days in Colorado.

It's not so much that the girls (my daughter's softball team) played great, overcoming injuries AND winning the majority of their games, (also) making it to the final weekend. Nor is it that the vast, VAST majority of people there were actually nice...and NOT just because they felt sorry for us being from California...and it wasn't even that on the way back (yes, I drove; the wife and daughter flew), that on the way back, it seemed that people got nastier and nastier the closer I got to California.

Nope, while in Colorado, my stomach felt great. My lungs felt great. My head felt great (well, except for one night at the Una Sombrero across the street from the hotel)...but yes, mood enhanced physical tranquility...what a blessing...however, since returning to California, well, I once again feel like crap. But since I'm a Glasser (William) devotee, more on that later, and believe in PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, I definitely believe it's my own doing, whether or not this mood/feeling is psycho-somatic or environmentally enhanced.

Still, MediaCopp has (at least) two more years in California...AND even if I'm lucky enough to escape this rapidly-declining state...rapidly declining in that, what, the best we can do is Meg "buy me" Whitman or Jerry "I wish he was still Moonbeam" Brown. Oh man, we are screwed. I only say that because as soon as anyone espouses disappointment, neigh disgust, with the way the state of California handles affairs, they are immediately labeled racist, elitist, sexist, enter your choice of "accepted" stereotype here...

With that said, I will still attempt to help California right their wrongs, even if or when I finally do make my escape. Previously, I have offered my solutions to the state budget crises. I have also offered cogent advice to our leaders, of both government AND media, media in the way they can return to "reporting" rather than "forming" the news.

My next assignment, if I choose to accept it, is to find a solution, an acceptable solution, to California's prison crisis. Everybody, I mean EVERYBODY, is complaining about crime in the state of California. One side complains that we don't do enough for the poor, minority, and/or disenfranchised who unfortunately make up a disproportionate number of those detained in state-run facilities, opting instead to warehouse the vast majority under stringent, draconian sentencing laws...while the other claims we are too soft on crime and those who DO enter the justice system (here) realize what a joke it is...and "know" there's no way we can keep them (all) locked up.

I have a solution. Once again, this solution will address AND solve the problem. With that in mind, agreed, most of those in power will immediately ignore, discount or marginalize my solution because I believe neither side really wants the problem solved. I mean, problem solved is job lost, right? Still, stay that "wer baaaaaaack!!!"

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