Friday, November 20, 2009

The Sarah Chronicles

"Coming this the MSNBC line-up...a sit-com to end all sit-coms...featuring ALL your prime time favorites"...fade in to coffee shop booth where the cast is assembled...

"I can't believe YOU thought she wouldn't be back," exclaimed Jerry (played by Countdown Host Keith Olbermann)...

"Me? I told you she'd be back," mutters George (played by Hardball's Chris Matthews). "It was Elaine. SHE thought that woman would never be back."

"Hey! Who are you looking at, four eyes!" shouts Elaine (played by Rachel Maddow of The Rachel Maddow Show) almost rhetorically. "And stop looking at my breasts!"

"I'm not wearing glasses," retorts George, "and say it, don't spray it!"

"Stop it, you two," interjects Jerry. "We have bigger problems. For instance, we HAVE to make fun of ALL things with which we disagree...I mean, that's our way. Now, how do we placate our core audience without looking mean spirited and at the same time, keep our air of superiority?"

"Well," Elaine agrees, "we COULD point out all the factual inaccuracies within her obviously ghostwritten book...or play up her lack of sophistication...or her inexperience...or any number of real problems this woman has relating to 'real' America."

"Sure, Elaine...and while we're at it, why don't we list our criteria for political success and then show how she comes up short in each category. What are you trying to do? Put our audience to sleep?" asks Jerry in his high pitched, quasi-facetious manner.

"Wait," counters George, "look at the television over the counter. It shows one of her 'book' signings. Man, look at all them white folks."

"Yeah," Elaine adds,"what is that, a KKK rally? I don't see Robert Byrd."

"Now, now, even THAT'S too mean for us," says Jerry, "remember what happened to my (one named) neighbor after he used the "W" word."

"Who? Schultz? The "W" word?" asks Elaine.

"Yeah, he started screaming about "whitey," and it backfired on him...but only because he used to be a Republican...then, once he fully renounced all things Republicans and join the proud liberal team...well...he was mostly forgiven," says Jerry, just as Schultz crashes through the cafe door.

"Hel-looo Schultz," chimes all three. "We're watching the chosen one's book signing."

"Oh, her?" shouts Schultz (played by the late John Banner), looking up at the TV screen. "Hey, look at that crowd. What a bunch of toothless, cousin lovin', inbred, hayseeds. Man, who can..."

"Shhhhhh, Schultz," interrupts George, "you know it, we know it, the American people know it...but YOU should say...nothing...NOTHING!"

"Hey," Jerry grabs George's shoulder, "stop switching sit coms. What are we going to do about all the white folks...I mean, WE'RE white...NOT that there's anything wrong with that."

"NOT that there's anything wrong with that," the rest chime in...

Cue the exit music..."bern-dert, DA-der-na, Dert-Dert, Da-der-na,!"

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